Letting Go of Someone You Love

(This article was published in the SW Florida Health and Wellness Magazine)

Dealing with the loss of a relationship is the pain that most often brings us to our knees.  When a relationship ends we usually think that the pain is about the relationship that just ended.  What we don’t realize is that it is truly an accumulation of pains from different types of perceived and real relationship endings over the course of our lives. Most people experience feelings of rejection in childhood and literally carry these feelings over into their adult lives.  If we break feelings down into their smallest components, we realize that they are merely strands of energy.  In essence, these e-motions are actually energy in motion. However, because e-motions are so powerful in our bodies, viewing feelings and breakups as energy is often a difficult concept to grasp.

When friends, lovers and family members break up, we often say it is because we are on different wave lengths.  Little do we know how true this really is!  When someone’s frequency of vibration is similar to our own, we feel close to that person.  We resonate with them and a sense of attraction is formed.  However, we no longer feel connected to the person if they don’t learn and grow at the same rate and change their frequency of vibration to match ours.

It is important to understand what is really going on when breakups occur.  By gaining this perspective you can more easily maneuver your way through the sense of loss and transcend the pain.  You realize that the breakup is really about a mismatch of energy and thought vibrations rather than more ego-based reasoning such as “I must not be very attractive,” or, “I am not loveable”, or “She doesn’t love me anymore.”  These are merely human manifestations or symptoms of what has really happened.  Transcending this level of consciousness takes you out of ego and into your spirit.  Not only does this allow you a deeper understanding of what is really happening, but it offers an opportunity to more easily process the emotional distress.

When you look at relationships this way, it is much easier to detach and let go because you understand the actual mechanics behind the dynamics of emotional turmoil.  Constant visualizations and affirmations of being clear and having the energy cords cut with the person will not only diminish the strength of your human emotions, it will allow for the highest levels of frequencies to enter your being.  But this means that the ego mind has to get out of the way.

This is a difficult concept to actually integrate into our consciousness, especially in western culture; because we have been so trained to think that marriage and love is forever and that we should stay in there until death do us part.  Understanding frequency of vibration in relationships is especially important in understanding why people come and go from our lives.  That is to teach us something and to help our own personal vibrational soul change and evolve.  It is not about rejection and abandonment, even though it may feel that way.  It is about personal evolution!  People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

Most people think that when they experience great distress at the loss of a relationship, that it stems back to their attachment (or lack thereof) with a parent or caregiver.  However, over the years I realized that may people who were struggling to let go of love, had no history of attachment difficulties in childhood.  I often wondered if it went further back than childhood.  It seemed deeper than attachment issues that usually arise when a child has been neglected or abandoned.

It has occurred to me that the real problem is not to do with attachment or separation from birth parents, but the separation from a higher part of ourselves that we were all born with.  It seems that in most cases society forces us to forget our connection with this incredibly entity.  When we experience the loss of a relationship, we have actually triggered the deeper pain of the loss of the relationship with our Higher Self or our Spirit. Thus, we have let go of the greatest love of all, that of our Creator.  Some refer to it as being disconnected from Source, or the Higher Self within us.  

This dynamic of being disconnected from something that we perceive to be greater than ourselves is recreated in our lives with the natural course of individualization or separation from our parents; and then later on, when we are faced with the loss of a relationship.  Repeatedly, the pain from the original loss (the disconnection from the higher part within us), is re-experienced every time the loss or disconnection vibration is triggered in our lives.  Maybe this helps to explain why the ending of a relationship seems to cause incredible distress for most people.  It therefore seems obvious that the easiest way to deal with the pain is to focus on going back and reconnecting with your Higher Self or Source of all life.  Incorporating aspects of Mindfulness in to your life is a good place to start in this process of reconnection.  It helps your mind to be less distracted and become more aware of the ‘wholeness’ of who you really are.

Integrative Health Coaches (Holistic Mental Health Coaches) are trained in techniques used to facilitate the process of deeper understanding and expanded awareness that overrides old tapes of negative thought and emotional patterns.  Ultimately, creating a synergy to assist clients in raising their consciousness while changing how they see themselves and their world.

Blog Post written by:
Dr. Nickerson's professional experience as a psychologist and personal passion for developing the mind-body-spirit connection have fueled her success and devotion to training individuals and organizations to foster whole wellness.

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